If electronics are evil I am going straight to hell, and why my kids will (probably) never graduate

Posted on May 19, 2012 by Amy

Not too long ago my brother wrote a great blog post called “Sociability” in which he talks about how a real community is one in which you know everyone but maybe don’t always like everything about them, and how that’s ok because to “like” something is overrated and ephemeral.  We ‘like’ things on Facebook.  We ‘unfriend’ people when they say something we don’t ‘like’.    We follow or unfollow someone on Twitter, mostly based on the 140 character blurbs they post.  Post something I disagree with and I just might ‘unfollow’ you.   We surround ourselves, for the most part, with people who share our views – we distance ourselves from any type of controversy or disagreement.  We have a hard time “agreeing to disagree” with someone who we consider a friend.   We take things too personally.

What, you might be asking yourself, does this have to do with the title of this post?

It has everything to do with it, because I am about to vent, and I know this could get me into trouble with some people who read my blog; they will disagree, maybe be insulted, maybe stop reading.  (Or post comments telling me what an awful insensitive person I am.  I hate that.)

So here’s my disclaimer:    NOTHING I AM ABOUT TO WRITE IS MEANT AS A PERSONAL ATTACK.   YOU AND I CAN DISAGREE AND STILL BE FRIENDS, OR ACQUAINTANCES.  WE CAN STILL SEE EACH OTHER AND WAVE, STILL ATTEND EVENTS AND NOT FEEL THE NEED TO AVOID MAKING EYE CONTACT.  WE PROBABLY AGREE ABOUT A LOT OF STUFF, EVEN IF WE DON’T AGREE ABOUT THIS.

So now that we’ve cleared that up…

I enjoy electronics.  My Nook, my laptop, my smartphone, my iPod….and even playing MarioKart on the Wii.    Streaming videos on Amazon?  You bet.  Happily avoiding the cost of hardcover new releases by downloading the ebook?   Absolutely.  Hooking my laptop up to our HD TV in order to watch stuff online through the TV? Best. Thing. Ever.  Don’t believe me?  Streaming Amazon videos of current TV shows have NO COMMERCIALS.  Need I say more?  Oh, and speaking of commercials – we love TIVO.  When we do watch shows on TV, we record them and speed through the commercials.  We pause live TV.  Whoops, looked away and missed the home run?  Back it up and watch it again.

I get so tired of hearing about “screen time”.   As in “Do you regulate your kids’ screen time?”   Hint:  The correct answer is “Of course we do!” followed by a complete rundown of exactly how little time your child is allowed to be online, in front of a TV or on a smartphone.    If you say, “No, not really,” people look shocked and then are quick to tell you that they DO regulate “screen time” followed by a complete rundown of exactly how little time their child is allowed to be online, in front of a TV or on a smartphone.

Abhorrence toward and/or restriction of electronic gadgets is the “it” topic of choice among many in the homeschooling/unschooling community (and probably elsewhere as well).   At the drop of a hat people will lecture you on the evils of Facebook, the mindlessness of Twitter and the fact that too much “screen time” will destroy creativity, health and motivation.  In a delicious ironic twist there are entire websites devoted almost exclusively to how we should all be less ‘plugged in’.

Hey, I love a beach vacation or mountain retreat with no WiFi as much as the next person, but I also enjoy my electronics.   The Nook goes with me wherever I travel.  It’s lighter than hauling around a bunch of paper & ink books.   When I got a smartphone my number one criteria was that it would sync anywhere in the world.  I can’t tell you how cool it is to get off a plane in London  and be able to dial locally & text for the price of a local call.

If electronics are the devil, my entire family has sold their souls to him.   So far none of us have turned into zombies or automatons incapable of creative thought or physical activity.  We have not burned all our books and do not spend all of our time watching crazy cat videos on YouTube.

Just sayin’.

Next up?  What is the deal with homeschool/unschool “graduation” ceremonies?  I don’t get them.  It just seems so counter to everything learning outside of school stands for.  A graduation ceremony in school is the symbol that you got all the right grades, did all the right things and are now being rewarded accordingly with a framed piece of paper while wearing a choir robe and a decidedly unflattering hat with a tassel that you get to move from one side of the cardboard square top to the other.  Oh and then at the end you get to throw it in the air.  Don’t even get me started on graduation ceremonies for grade-schoolers.  Or kindergartners.  Or pre-schoolers.    It’s like giving every kid on the losing team a trophy for “effort”.  It means nothing.

But you do it when you go to school.  Just like a million other little rituals and rites that supposedly add up to a well-rounded “education”.   As unschoolers, I would hope that after raising our kids as if school doesn’t exist (as much as possible), we would not suddenly feel the need to take part in the one ritual that is the pinnacle of school culture.  I mean, what is the point?  To say our kid ‘graduated’.  From what?  17 years of living and learning?  Ummm, I’m hoping that doesn’t end at 17.   Instead of a hollow graduation ceremony,  how about celebrating something that really matters, like your child’s first job, apprenticeship or business; maybe their first original song composition, the first article or book they publish, or even their first trip taken on their own?   For unschoolers, those things often happen long before they reach the age at which their peers graduate from high school.

And if you really need a rite of passage, how about a Bar or Bat Mitzvah?  What, you’re not Jewish?   No problem.  A non-Jewish Bar Mitzvah is no less random than an unschooling graduation ceremony.

So as it stands now, there will be no graduations in our house and lots of electronics.

And even so, you and I can still be friends.

Posted in Creativity, Education, Homeschooling, Learning, Life Learning, Parenting, School, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Photo of the day

Posted on May 16, 2012 by Amy

Thank goodness when my brain is coming up with zilch as far as blog posts because suddenly I’m too busy obsessing about possible road trips (thanks Mom), my daughter does something like this:

I hate to brag, but that is just about the coolest thing!  (Credit for the idea goes to Maya’s friend Maya Spo.)  It really, really looks like Ben and his friend Jonah are trapped in that bubble and preparing to break out.

Saved from poor blogging by the wonders of Photoshop!  (And the imagination and skill of two Mayas.)

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Happy Day

Posted on May 13, 2012 by Amy

Today was not only Mother’s Day, but Joshua’s birthday.  A double bonus in our house.  (Joshua’s birthday always falls around Mother’s Day, and my birthday on June 22nd is usually within a few days of Father’s Day.  Funny.)

We had a wonderful day.  It was sunny and hot in New York, there was a fantastic street fair at which I splurged on a dress that I LOVE  (made locally by the talented ladies at www.animatedcloset.com in case you’re interested) and which I will no doubt wear so often that people will begin to wonder if the rest of my clothes were stolen or something.  It even looks good over jeans, and that is saying a lot.

Anyway, here we are on our Happy Birthday/Mother’s Day.  Aside from the fact that I am in desperate need of a haircut, I think we look pretty good.  :-)

Shortly after this, they all bought sunglasses...

Joshua and his mini-me

A failed attempt at photo-bombing

Maya's friend Greta joined us at the street fair

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Photoshop

Posted on May 12, 2012 by Amy

Yesterday was Photoshop day.

Maya, as many of you know, is an avid video maker/editor, but last week she decided she needs to learn Photoshop.

I knew I was going to be of little or no help.  Adobe, while not impossible, is not nearly as intuitive as Apple and after downloading the Photoshop program we spent 30 minutes trying to figure stuff out until Maya finally walked away from the computer to go do something less frustrating – like teaching Eduardo & Bob to fetch.  (Eduardo & Bob are our turtles, in case you’re wondering.)

Time to call in the pro.

Thank god for my friend Jeff Rutzky, who is a genius when it comes to all things related to photos or computer graphics  (or sewing, or origami, or Makerbot 3-D design….it’s really kind of annoying how creative he is).

Yesterday Jeff came by and taught Maya how to use Photoshop, and hung out and had dinner with us, which was great, except…did I mention that Jeff is also an amazing cook?  Sadly he had to deal with my slow-cooker fare, which we love but which for someone who cooks on Jeff’s level might have looked somewhat like beef-filled mush.  He ate it all though, so he is either a really good friend or it tasted ok.

90 minutes of Photoshop instruction later and Maya was armed with all the tools she needed to create this:

And this:

And this:

And finally, this for Joshua’s niece who turned 23 today (Happy Birthday Danielle!):

Thanks Jeff, I have a feeling our holiday cards are going to be a lot more interesting this year!

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The humor & pathos of personal bloggers

Posted on May 10, 2012 by Amy

I’m currently reading Jenny Lawson’s memoir “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”.  It’s the kind of book that causes bouts of helpless laughter, made infinitely worse if you are trying to be discreet, like on the subway or in the waiting room at the dentist.    For example, this is an anecdote from her time working in PR:

This morning we were all praying with the bishop at work (which is legal, because it’s a faith-based organization, but also weird because I still don’t understand how I got hired here, except that we need to do better background checks).  There were about a hundred of us in the hallway when the bishop said — in this really loud and dramatic way — “Oh, heavenly Father:  Hear our prayer!”  Immediately some guy from engineering’s walkie-talkie blasts out, “COME IN, CHUCK!” and I had to walk out in the middle of the prayer because I totally snorted and was drawing attention to myself, because all I could think of was how I bet God was only half listening and then was all, “WTF?  Did the bishop just call me Chuck?”

I happened to be reading this part on the subway yesterday and my chortling drew several sideways glances.   My kids were with me which meant that after getting off the subway I tried to explain to them what was so funny which is actually better than having to read an excerpt out loud to them (which I have also done after bursting into laughter late at night, disrupting everyone else’s reading) since the book is often rated R for language or content.

Anyway, Lawson was known to me first as The Bloggess.   I follow her on Twitter and read her blog, which is hilarious.   In her book she talks a lot about her anxiety and panic attacks, which although no joke in real life, are relayed with such self-deprecating humor that you can’t help but laugh and sympathize.

I love her and kind of hate her at the same time, bringing me to the actual point of this post which is that it seems like a lot of the super successful bloggers have some serious personal issues.  And they talk about them in their blogs (or their books) in such a way that we are right there with them, we’re in their corner and we want to hear every funny gory detail.

Which means I’m pretty much screwed in the personal blogger universe.   My life (and universe, if you are listening, this is not me complaining so don’t feel the need to test me) to this point has been pretty much devoid of massive trauma.  What trauma there has been was not mine personally, and therefore not mine to share.   I was not abused as a child.   I suffered no eating disorders, don’t have panic attacks or suffer from depression.   My pregnancies were fairly routine. I hated being pregnant but had no good reason for it, which just annoyed me even more. (Love the end results though.)

Joshua is a great husband and we don’t have raging arguments which make for amusing anecdotes later on.  I read somewhere once that if you don’t fight with your spouse it’s a sign you don’t really care all that much, which is total BS in my opinion.

I like my parents, get along great with my brother AND his wife, enjoy most of my relatives and am on good terms with all of Joshua’s family.

So far, my kids have not turned into people who despise my very presence and roll their eyes at everything I say.   We have had no dramas that led to someone in our house shooting a laptop with a .38 special.

Even in the unschooling realm it seems a lot of people go that route out of the desire to repair the damage done to them by their own upbringing.   In our case we just thought it seemed natural and cool and fun.   Here’s the synopsis of most of our days:  We get up when we want, pursue our interests between life obligations, enjoy each others’ company and eventually go to sleep.

Which makes for a great life, but a boring blog.

Of course it could also be that those bloggers are just far better writers than I am, able to see the comedy & tragedy in even the most mundane of days and then describe it to us with such humor or pathos that it comes alive, making us laugh or cry.

I wouldn’t want my life to be filled with trauma in order to have better blog content, but have no objection to improving my writing.   I’ll keep subjecting you to my efforts, and in the meantime we can all keep laughing along with The Bloggess.

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Hair

Posted on May 6, 2012 by Amy

[In case you missed the announcement, I have a new blog at Unschooling NYC in which I'll be posting about all things learning and education related, and which you can find here. The Green Mangoes Blog will now be my personal blog, and I'll probably post here once or twice a week.  I will never double post on both blogs, so feel free to subscribe to both without fear of inbox inundation!]

Yesterday we dyed the pink streak in Maya’s hair back to her original dark blonde.  I had my reservations that it would work, but it turned out beautifully and matched her true hair color so well that we were both amazed.

Phase two was to then dye the tips of her hair green.  Bright, bright green.   First we trimmed the hair and then bleached the ends, then dunked it in green dye for almost two hours.  The results were spectacular:

What is funny is that after people comment on how cool Maya’s hair looks, they almost all say something like, “And your Mom let you do that?”   Sometimes while I’m standing right next to her.

I think I’ve said this before, but it’s just hair. And it’s cool.   It’s a great form of self-expression and experimentation that is not permanent, so if you don’t like it, you aren’t stuck with it.

Parents need to lighten up.

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UnschoolingNYC Arrives!!

Posted on May 1, 2012 by Amy

It seems like the site has been forever in the making, and I will probably be adding to it until the end of time, but it’s up, it’s live and you can now check it out!   www.unschoolingnyc.com

When you do, you will notice an ENORMOUS graphic at the top that says, “Like What You See?  Get More for Free!”.    Two things – First, I don’t ever charge for blog material, so it’s always free.  Gonna change that text.   Second, we’re going to reduce the size of the graphic just a little so that you can actually decide if you like what you see!  (Details, details)   I encourage you all to opt-in, because then you’ll be notified via email when a new blog post is up.  (If you go there now, you’ll notice that the blog posts look very familiar, and they should.  They were all imported from Green Mangoes to provide content, but new posts are on their way.)    If you already get email notifications for this blog, you’ll continue to get them for the unschoolingnyc blog.   Green Mangoes will still be here, but will be my personal blog where I go to rant about movies or things that annoy me or make me happy or whatever strikes my fancy.   And don’t worry, you won’t be bombarded with posts from both blogs every day.

I am not that prolific.

The UnschoolingNYC Resources page is a work in progress, and I will be adding to it weekly.  Right now it consists of info on John Holt, John Taylor Gatto & their books;  but hey, if you only have two then those are the two to have.

Eventually there will be videos, interviews and an active forum (hopefully) where people can ask questions, interact and share information.

And (she draws a deep breath) I will also offer consulting.  It was a big decision, and I don’t pretend to be the end all on all things unschooling.  In fact, often what I will do is point people in the direction of someone else – like Wendy Priesnitz or Sandra Dodd,  for example – who may have the answers or info they might be looking for.   What I wanted to do was give people a public option in the Forum, and a private option in consulting where questions can be asked and answered.

Ok, I think that’s it for now.  I hope you’ll all check it out and opt in.  I’ll be posting from the new blog tomorrow night.   See you there!

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Justice vs. Law

Posted on April 30, 2012 by Amy

The new season of “Whale Wars” started on Friday, and this year Paul Watson and the Sea Shepherds are heading north to the Faroe Islands, where killing pilot whales is a 1000 year old tradition among the islanders.

In this case, the Sea Shepherd’s intervention in the traditional kill has nothing to do with stopping an illegal activity.  Pilot whales are not protected and the kill is legal.   In the view of the Sea Shepherd’s however, that doesn’t make it right.   Watson summed it up by saying “…justice takes precedence over the law.”

I asked the kids if they agreed.    If a law gives someone the right to do something, can you still say it is unjust?   In the case of the whales, we all agreed that you could.    Whale meat is no longer necessary for the survival of the islanders.  In addition,  whales are wild animals who are very intelligent, social, and live in family units.    In my mind, slaughtering them in this manner is akin to rounding up an entire herd of elephants and killing all the adults.

[No, I'm not a vegetarian and am very aware of the fact that my consumption of beef, chicken and turkey could very well make my opinion in this matter seem a hypocritical one.  I believe it's a little different, but won't go into that here.]

Ok, so in the case of killing pilot whales it seems pretty obvious, at least to us, that justice and the law are not the same.

But what about in the case of the principal in a school on Long Island who threatened to call Child Protective Services on a mother, citing “educational neglect” because she requested that her son be allowed to opt-out of standardized testing.    The boy already had an IEP (Individual Education Plan), which my friends tell me means he has some special needs.   The mother felt the test would be counter-productive for her son (and in any case the tests are widely seen as ineffective) and spoke to the principal about it.   The principal denied her request and told her that if her son was absent on any day tests were administered,  attended school but refused to take the test, or failed to answer even ONE QUESTION on any of the tests, Child Protective Services might have to be called.   Lisa Nielsen wrote about the situation (in the above link) and urged people to write to the principal and demand an apology.

The responses posted in the comments came fast and furious.  The school started an “Our Principal is Not a Bully” page on Facebook.   Many people said he was “just following regulations”.    (Ahh, the old, “I’m just doing my job” excuse.)

It’s true.  New York State regulations give him the right to call CPS in the case of educational neglect, and failure to take a state mandated standardized test falls under the state’s definition of neglect.

So he has the law on his side.  Does that mean the threat was just?  Justified?  Having to do with justice?

Again, my answer would be no.

I love having these types of discussions with my kids.  The first time something like this came up, it was a revelation to them that a law might be unjust.  Of course we basically try to be “law abiding” citizens, but it is important to me that they be able to evaluate situations independently and not blindly follow along because “it’s the law”.    At book club the other night we were talking about the Holocaust – having just read “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas”, and that led to a discussion of slavery.     We concluded that fear (Holocaust) and money (slavery, whaling) play large roles in encouraging people to ignore justice when faced with an unjust law.

It is one thing to say, as abolitionist William Lloyd Garrison did, “That which is not just is not law” and another to do as he did and act accordingly.   We all hope that we would do the same, and the first step in that direction is being able to recognize a lack of justice, no matter what the law says.

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What kind of life do you want?

Posted on April 29, 2012 by Amy

If your favorite thing in life is to write stories, can you convince yourself to be an accountant?

If nothing gives you more pleasure than studying animals, can you dismiss your passion and become a computer scientist?

And even if you can, should you?

Thoreau said,  ”Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them,” and I believe that the reason for this is that too many writers have become accountants.   Too many people deny their passions in favor of pursuing a “stable job”, or of fulfilling others’ expectations.

In today’s world, there is no greater expectation than the college degree & its’ mythical promise of a stable job.   Or perhaps I should say there WAS no greater expectation than the college degree, but that expectation has recently begun to show some cracks.  Today, thousands of college graduates find that their degrees are not the golden ticket to success, and – bonus! – come with a hefty amount of debt.    While the government debates what to do about all this student debt, people like Michael Ellsberg, Blake Boles, Peter Thiel & Dale Stephens are putting forth viable, debt-free alternatives to traditional college.   People like Matthew Crawford (Shop Class as Soulcraft) and Mark Frauenfelder (Made by Hand) re-examine the merits, both physical and ‘spiritual’ of manual skilled labor.

These days it’s vital to realize that there are other options; to shift our expectations and conclude that college, while necessary for a few, is not the key for everybody.  Not by a long shot.   That undoubtedly being the case, when I read Frank Bruni’s Op-Ed piece in today’s Times titled, “The Imperiled Promise of College” I was appalled.   Bruni is apparently a fan of quiet desperation.

…Philosophy & anthropology…are the two fields –along with zoology, art history and humanities — whose majors are least likely to find jobs reflective of their education level, according to government projections quoted by the Associated Press.  But how many college students are fully aware of that?  How many reroute themselves into, say, teaching, accounting, nursing or computer science, where degree-relevant jobs are easier to find?  Not nearly enough, judging from the angry, dispossessed troops of Occupy Wall Street.

See, I think Bruni and those like him have it all backwards.  The reason the OWS crowd is so angry is that many of them not only bought into the myth of college but also bought into the myth of “reliable courses of study”.   Graphic design?  Computer programming?  These were the “hot jobs” a few years ago, but now there is a massive glut of people with degrees in those fields.   Even a law degree ‘ain’t what it used to be’ because there are just so many freaking people out there with them.    So if you are contemplating what to do with your life, for god’s sake DON’T study something just because someone tells you it’s a sure ticket to a “good job” or a “stable career”.   Chances are they’re telling everyone else the same thing, and by the time you graduate all those jobs will be taken and there will be other can’t miss majors taking their place.

Instead, take some time to find your passion.  Travel, volunteer, find an internship or apprenticeship.   Work at Starbucks, maybe, but not because you have a useless college degree.   Work there while you are discovering what you really want to do.

In the end, it’s not about the money.  Not really.  Unless you are an unemployed college grad with 25K in debt.  Then it is about the money.  The money you owe that not even bankruptcy will discharge.

What it’s about is the kind of life you want to lead.   The happiest people I know are not those with the most money, but those whose work is their passion; those who love what they do so much they’d do it for free.   No quiet desperation for them.

In his article Bruni said, “No good can come from letting college…slip away.”   I believe that for many people, exactly the opposite is true.

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Book club biography

Posted on April 28, 2012 by Amy

For Maya’s book club meeting tomorrow, we’ve asked the girls to write a one page biographical story.   It can be anything that has happened to them that they want to write down.   It can be funny, sad, whatever.

Here is mine:

_____________________

It was Christmas 1970.

I was three years old.  I looked like this:

I'm on the right. That's my friend Gena on the left.

At the local Methodist Church, the annual Christmas pageant was a well attended event, sure to pack the small country sanctuary.   At three years of age, I too would have a part; a Bible verse to memorize and say out loud, on stage, in front of everyone.

I have no idea what verse was assigned to me.

Mamaw, as we called my grandmother on my father’s side, was very solicitous that I should learn the verse.  Every time I saw her in the weeks leading up to the event she would ask, “Do you know your piece?”  ”Make sure you say your piece pretty, now,” and the like.

Finally the day came.  I have only the vaguest of memories of the big crowd and my grandmother sitting in the front row with my parents.  I don’t remember seeing my brother there, but maybe he was waiting in the wings for his own part.   In any case, I walked out on stage in my dress (and probably wearing black patent leather shoes)….and said nothing.

I stared at the crowd as only a three year old can.

My grandmother leaned forward and whispered loudly, “Say your piece!”, just as she had so many times before, and so I looked out and said, in my best stage voice,

“Peace!”

I don’t remember the laughter but my Mom said it was so loud and long she thought it might scare me, but it didn’t.  After everyone quieted down I said my verse and left the stage.

Christmas 1970.  Maybe my verse began, “Out of the mouths of babes…”?

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